“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
On April 13, 2017, I found myself lying on the floor of my closet holding onto a bottle of pills. I knew that I had enough pills to end my life because I had researched how many I needed on the internet. I lay there, contemplating taking those pills, feeling the weight of despair. I wanted to end the pain, the struggle, the anguishthat oppressed me.
I had already started a Partial Hospitalization Program at Vantage Point Recovery two weeks prior. I felt like I was in a dance between making progress and falling back into the pit. In that moment, I was tired of the dance. I was tired of fighting. I just wanted to let the darkness overtake me.
By the grace of God, I managed to reach out to a friend of mine for help. The next day, I discussed treatment options with my therapist and the following Monday I began a six week residential program. For the first time in my life, I was focused solely on my own mental health. I had no distractions. I had to learn to sit in the stillness, endure the discomfort, and trust in God to get me through.
I am so very grateful for that season in my life. I learned so much about myself and about God's faithfulness. It was not easy, but it was worth it. When we go through the darkness, we learn to appreciate the Light.